


The Heart of a Lion

by felicitous



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Curses, Dom/sub Undertones, M/M, Shapeshifting, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-03 16:41:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5298674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felicitous/pseuds/felicitous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen has been living with a dark secret for years, a curse he refuses to tell anyone about. But when a confident mage quite literally bursts into his life, he finds that maybe there is hope for him after all, if the world doesn't crumble around him first that is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Cullen was admittedly startled by the tan mages sudden entrance into the War Room. The man seemed to glow with confidence and powerful magic as he spoke with a cocky grin. A twinge of something he hadn’t truly felt in a long time surged through him when their eyes met after all the arguing was done. Hope. Hope for the people of Haven and the World, hope for the future, and most of all, hope for himself.

The ex-Templar had a dark secret, one that no one knew about, not even Cassandra and hopefully not even Leliana knew, and he would do just about anything to make sure it stayed that way. How would the people react to the knowledge that their Commander was quite literally cursed? He’d been cursed by a demon to take the form of a beast at night. He was dangerous and there was no way that he could stay and continue to help if people knew the truth about him. The demon who had done this was not with a sense of humor, as it had used one of his titles for inspiration and made his bestial form that of a lion, a mockery of something he’d once felt pride in.

  
This was admittedly one of the reasons he’d left the Templar order, other than the reasons that he had told everyone else when questioned. Do to his… affliction; he could no longer take lyrium. Cullen didn’t pretend to understand it, but assumed it was another thing done to serve the demon’s amusement. On an upside, he had yet to suffer any effects of lyrium withdrawal, but that’s not what he’d told the Seeker. He’d used the horror that is withdrawals to explain to the Seeker why his behavior might be odd at times and would use that excuse again if the time ever called for it.

  
Cullen had long since become accustomed to his curse and did everything he could to keep it as under control as possible. He’d accepted his fate. But there was something about the Tevinter mage that made his heart pound wildly in his chest. It felt like maybe he had a chance, a chance at having, at the very least, a semi-normal life again. Cullen knew he was being unrealistic. There was almost no chance of there being a way to cure him, not to mention the fact that he knew next to nothing about the mage, other than that he was very clearly from Tevinter and possessed what felt like very powerful magical abilities. He didn’t even know his name. Had the man even said it? Had the Herald? If so, he hadn’t been listening very well.

  
Slowly, but surely, Cullen became more certain that his initial feeling was wrong, that it had been foolish of him to feel so hopeful. The brunet seemed reckless if anything, nearly as reckless as the Herald. By the end of their brief encounter, if it could even be called that, Cullen found himself to be quite agitated. Especially as he was far from fond of this ‘plan’ of theirs to take down Alexius, though it was admittedly better than the Heralds original idea to just stroll through the front doors and hope for the best. He had to at least give that much to them.

  
Despite that all, the Commander still wanted to talk to the mage after the meeting, but the dark haired Tevinter disappeared before he had a chance, no doubt to prepare for what was to come. And Cullen didn’t exactly have the free time to be worrying about himself or go looking for the man either. There was a great deal of important matters that he needed to attend to so that they would be properly prepared for taking care of Alexius and keeping the naïve elf they followed from accidentally killing herself or someone important. The fate of the world was at stake after all; his own personal crisis would have to wait.

* * *

  
By the time the ordeal at Red Cliff finished, Cullen had many more important issues on his mind, he’d all but forgotten about the possibility of finding a cure for himself. He had rebel mages to keep safe and soldiers to train, as well as Heralds to advise. And not being able to do any work at night was really cutting down on the time he had at his disposal.

  
Not to mention the fact that Cullen barely saw Dorian as it was. The mage also had his hands full, no doubt making sure that he would be ready for when they marched on the Breach. And Cullen wasn’t sure he would stick around for long after that, there would be nothing to keep him here, or any of them for the matter. Unless the Elder One became a real threat for them to deal with, maybe then Dorian would stick around long enough to see that next task accomplished. But who was he to say?

A few days after the Mages came to Haven, while they were still planning and readying for the assault on the Breach, Cullen had his first real chance to interact with Dorian. The northern mage had wandered his way over to the training grounds where the knight had been sparring with a new recruit who had a terrible habit of dropping his shield. The Commander turned when he noticed Dorians approach, much to the young soldiers relief.

“Ser Pavus, is there something I can assist you with?” Cullen asked politely after dismissing the young man with a nod. Once he was gone, he sheathed his sword and assumed a semi-casual stance, hands resting on the pommel.

The mage smiled at him, eyes glittering as he raked them over Cullen. “Just Dorian is fine, Commander. And I just came to admire the sights,” what sights he meant was painfully clear and the blond felt himself begin to blush. “Plus, I heard it was quite the rare treat to see the ‘Lion of Honnleath’ in action.”

He cringed slightly at the nickname. “I, uh, I wouldn’t be too sure about that. Reputations can be quite misleading, Se- Dorian.”

Dorian gave a pleased smile at his name, almost preening at it. “Oh come now, little lion, I’m sure you are quite skilled, for a Fereldan that is,” he taunted with a dramatic shrug of his shoulders.

“Is that a challenge?” Cullen chuckled, hoping to hide the way the ‘lion’ comments were getting under his skin.

Dark eyebrows waggled in response. “Only if you want it to be,”

Cullen’s smile grew; it had been a while since he’d had such a lighthearted conversation with anyone. It was actually quite relaxing and he suspected that this had been the mages intention all along. “I think I could handle a challenge, even if it is from such an elite Altus of Tevinter,”

Dorian actually looked shocked for a moment, but covered it up quickly enough with a cocky smile. “Well, I’m pleased that you are capable of acknowledging my superior skill, and don’t worry your pretty little head, I will be sure to go easy on you. What would the Inquisition do without its talented and studious Commander?”

“I’d hate for you to limit yourself on my behalf, you might just bring about your own downfall,” Cullen taunted in return.

“Oh, we’ll see about that,” Dorian snickered, moving into an offensive position and raising his staff as he sent a bolt of lightning at the blond swordsman.

Cullen barely managed to dodge to the side in time, cursing the fact that he hadn’t been using a shield in his earlier session, instead having focused purely on attacking the boy till he kept his shield up. Too late to go back now. Drawing his sword as he moved, Cullen charged forward, rushing the mage.

“Kaffas,” The darker man cursed as he parried the strike. He was forced to take a step back when he did so as not to lose his balance. Cullen struck again barely giving him time to recover. This time when Dorian blocked the blow he put a little magic behind it.

  
The ex-Templar pulled back almost instantly and began to stalk around his opponent much like a predator would circle its prey and Dorian took this chance to begin quickly sending attack after attack at him. Cullen managed to dodge and roll from them, but was forced to stay on the defensive, unable to get close enough to strike at the mage.  
“Oh, come, come now Commander, is this all? I must admit that I was expecting more from a man who is so often compared to a lion,” Dorian laughed, barely slowing his barrage of attacks as he did. “I’m a little disappointed,”

  
Cullen growled low in his throat, gripping his sword tighter, as his amber eyes flashed dangerously, pupils shrinking inhumanly. His breathing seemed to slow after that, his body relaxing as he continued to dodge the attacks, closely analyzing each one. The blond continued to circle the mage as he did and when he finally decided on which attack was the weakest he made his move.

The knight suddenly changed his course and instead of continuing to circle, he charged straight for Dorian. Cursing, the mage stumbled back a step in shock as his opponent ran right through a fireball, seemingly unfazed. Cullen gave a roar as he tackled the slender man to the ground and held the flat of his sword against his throat.

“I believe I win,” Cullen chuckled after a second, his amusement banishing the animalistic features that had surfaced, hopefully before the other man noticed.

Dorian stared up at the blond on top of him for a moment, before pursing his lips stubbornly. “You cheated.” Cullen only laughed more, and Dorian seemed to be fighting back a smile at the sound. “I would hardly call that a win. I demand rematch.”

Cullen was about to respond when he heard someone clearing their throat beside them. When he looked up and saw an albino elven woman watching them in amusement, he scrambled to his feet, sliding his sword back into its sheath as he did. “Herald?”

“Am I interrupting something?” She laughs her voice soft, red eyes bright with laughter. Cullen had no idea when she had shown up, but if he had to guess, he’d say that she’d been there for at least half of their fight. It never failed to surprise him just how quite she was. Clearly, she’d been spending a little too much time with Varric.

Dorian responded to her question first, standing and dusting himself off as he did. “Oh, just letting off a little steam, can’t let ourselves fall prey to boredom, now can we?”

Lavellan rolled her eyes at them. “No, of course not. Unfortunately, Dorian, I need to borrow Commander Cullen for a moment.”

“Oh, you vile elf! Must you deprive me of such wonderfully handsome company?” Dorian gasped, laying the dramatics on thick, but Cullen still found himself blushing at the comment. He turned his attention to the knight then, giving him a playful smile, “Don’t think this means you’re off the hook, Commander Lion.”

The blush faded and Cullen sighed. “I’ll be sure to take you down, honorably, next time,” He finished with a smile, as he had in fact enjoyed sparring with the man, even if he wouldn’t let the ‘lion’ thing go. When the mage smiled back at him earnestly, Cullen finally moved to join the Herald, walking off with her.

It turned out that the woman wanted to talk to him about the upcoming attack on the Breach, but she did grill him about what Dorian had meant when he called him a lion. She seemed eager to close the Breach though, not that he could blame her, but she had time and time again proven to have no sense of self-preservation. A fact that made her eagerness a little concerning. She was still rather flighty about the ‘Herald of Andraste’ thing as well, as she insisted that he call her by her name and not by the title, but that was something he understood very well. A title could carry a lot of weight, especially when it was something you didn’t believe in. But for someone aligned with a God she didn’t believe in and forced to be the world’s hero by the very people who had previously held her prisoner, she seemed to be holding up surprisingly well. Cullen had to admit she was certainly admirable and for a moment he felt ashamed for becoming so irritated when Dorian called him ‘The Lion of Honnleath’, it’s not like the Mage or anyone else for that matter could’ve known why he would have a problem with the title. Perhaps he could learn something from this passionate, young elf.

In the end, her confidence paid off. The Breach was closed without any major incidents and now all of Haven was celebrating. Well, most of Haven was, he wasn’t. Cullen had a bad feeling about all of this, he’d been expecting a fight and that had been way too easy. But he wasn’t about to crash the party because of a feeling he had, the people needed this.

He was so lost in his thoughts, worrying about what was to come that he didn’t notice Dorian coming to stand beside him, “Do you have something against parties, or are you worried as well?

Cullen started in surprise and turned to look at him, “I will admit that I am, in fact, not much of a party person, never know what to do or say to people. But as of right now, it is primarily the latter. That was all too easy.”

“And I imagine the ‘Elder One’ or whatever he is calling himself these days, isn’t too fond of what we’ve just done,” The mage agreed.

“That’s something we need to be prepared for.”

Dorian groaned. “Festis bei umo canavarum! I want nothing more than to get you ridiculously drunk right now, Commander. This is a night for celebration and relaxing, not preparing. We’ve managed to do something amazing, well Lavinia did, but we made it possible for her. So what do you say Mr. Doom, Gloom, and Preparation? Want to go get piss drunk with me?”

There was a sparkle in his gray eyes that made Cullen want to say yes, but he knew better. “I… I can’t, Dorian. I would love to, but I can’t.”

“One beer then, one beer won’t kill you. Actually, it might, now that I remember what you Fereldan’s consider beer, but I’m sure you’ve developed an immunity. Come on, don’t make me beg, Commander, I’m absolutely irresistible when I beg,” The voice he used was one that should never be heard outside of the bedroom and it made the man go bright red, amber eyes wide.

“Just, just Cullen is fine and, and I’m afraid that even if you did beg me, the answer would still have to be no,” Cullen replied softly, wishing that he didn’t have to worry about the quickly approaching sunset and what it would bring, about the possibility of hurting someone. “I do hope that you enjoy your night though, I’m sure you will have no trouble finding better company than me. And if you want, you are more than welcome to drink one for me, it may help you develop your own immunity,” He gave the mage an apologetic smile before walking off.

Perhaps patrolling the city would help put his mind at ease till night came.


	2. Chapter 2

Dorian was absolutely exhausted as he sat down at one of the many small fires the camp had. These last few days had been a literal frozen hell. It’d been only a few days since Haven was attacked and the Herald lost, so understandably moral wasn’t doing too good, especially not when they were all homeless in the frozen mountains, struggling to live.

Taking a moment to look around the camp they had managed to set up, Dorian paused when his eyes landed on a familiar back, the fur covered shoulders only making the man stand out even more. Commander Cullen was once again checking on everyone to see how they were doing and if there was anything he could do to help them. The man never seemed to take a break and did everything that he could for the survivors. Dorian found it hard to believe he was real sometimes. It just didn’t make any sense to him how anyone could be so selfless all the time. They had to at least want something for themselves in return, but Cullen never seemed to, he was just content to know he’d helped. It was kind of endearing, in an odd sort of way, for someone to be that earnest in everything they did.

Dorian ended up watching the blond until he finished talking to the people and headed to his tent for the night. The sun would begin setting in just a few minutes so Dorian figured it was time he began to head to his own tent as well. He was one of the only people still out after all, besides the night watch that was, and it got wickedly cold when the sun went down. He was nearly there when he noticed Cullen exiting his tent, only minutes after having entered it.

The man looked around him briefly, barely missing the mage, before heading away from camp and into the forest. Common sense told the brunet that he should continue on to his own tent for a warm night’s sleep and not worry about what he’d seen, as there was probably a reasonable explanation. But his curiosity was stronger and it demanded that he follow after the blond Ferelden. Besides, he hadn’t had a chance to really talk to Cullen since Haven. He’d honestly missed making the chaste little Chantry boy blush when he said anything slightly flirtatious.

Dorian followed after Cullen quietly, deciding that he would only approach him once he knew what was going on. Cullen stopped once the color of the sky began to change and darken with the setting sun. In quick, jerky movements, much to Dorian's pleased surprise, Cullen began to strip. The blond’s armor and clothing dropped unceremoniously to the ground, leaving him naked in the snow, his scarred, muscular body exposed to the elements and Dorian's hungry eyes. The mage had no idea what was going on, but he wasn’t about to complain, not with that sight in front of him. Every inch of Cullen was mouthwateringly attractive, making Dorian's blood feel like it was boiling in his veins and his cock twitch in his pants.

Before anything truly arousing could happen, Cullen threw his head back and screamed, no, roared, back arching as he did. His teeth grew and his face distorted as his skin seemed to rip off, revealing golden fur underneath. Dorian watched in horror, unable to look away as the man in front of him changed into something else, the sound of tearing flesh and breaking bone filling the cold night air around them. When it had all finished there was a golden lion with a dark luxurious mane and amber eyes, standing where Cullen had been.

Dorian slowly began to back away, figuring that this was definitely not somewhere he wanted to be right now. In the sudden silence the crunch of his footsteps in the snow seemed to echo through the trees around them and amber eyes moved to look at him.

“Kaffas,” the mage swore before he turned and ran. If he was lucky the trees would help to slow the lion down just enough that he could get away from it.

He ran as fast as his legs would carry him, cursing everything he could think of as he did. Cursing his curiosity, the fact that he hadn’t brought his staff, that Cullen had kept something like this a secret, that the night was so cold and dark, and much more. It didn’t take long for Dorian to realize though that he should have reached the camp by now, yet he was still surrounded by trees for as far as he could see.

He was lost.

Dorian had to stop though, his chest burned and he was panting like a mad man, not to mention the fact that his legs were violently shaking from the exertion, fear, or most likely a mix of both. He’d only paused for a second when he heard an ominous sound behind him, making his blood run cold. Clutching his fists, the mage cast a protective barrier over himself and turned around, hands crackling with magic. He didn’t want to hurt Cullen, but he didn’t really want to die either.

But it wasn’t a lion behind him; it was a bear, a very large and very angry looking bear at that.

The beast growled and swiped at him with one of its giant paws, claws just inches from him as Dorian spun away from it, shooting a bolt of lightning at it in response. He was suddenly very grateful that he had memorized these spells so that he could cast them without a staff. Though without one, he didn’t stand a chance of killing the bear especially in the cold, but hopefully this would be enough to drive it off so that he could continue his escape. As Dorian readied his next spell the bear reared up before slamming down on the ground in front of him, knocking him to the ground so hard his head bounced off, leaving him dazed just long enough that he had no chance to get away from it.

His life flashed before him and the mage closed his eyes, waited for the next blow. But it never came. He waited and waited, flinching when he heard the bear cry out and felt something wet splatter on him. Hesitantly, he opened his gray eyes and gasped at the sight before him.

The bear lay dead in the snow at his feet. Its throat had been ripped out and its warm blood was pooling around it. Above the bear stood the lion, its maw dripping with dark red blood and it was staring at him so intently a shiver ran up his spine that was most certainly not from the cold. It didn’t do anything though, it just sat there and watched him, head tilted slightly to the side as if it was curious about something.

“C-Cullen…” Dorian whimpered, slowly reaching a shaking hand towards the animal before him.

Its amber eyes went wide at the sound of its name and it slowly crept forward. Dorian held his outstretched hand in place, fighting the urge to pull it back that swelled inside of him, and as his resolve began to crumble the lion nuzzled its giant head into his hand. A startled laugh left the brunet and he began to pet the lion with trembling hands, running his fingers through its thick mane.

Now that Dorian had a chance to inspect the lion, Cullen, up close he was both awed and saddened by it. The feline had the same sad, tired eyes as the man, including what looked like bags underneath them. The same scar bisected its upper lip and Dorian couldn’t help but run one of his fingers over it, ignoring the blood. While the beast may have seemed so proud and mighty before, up close it reminded the mage of an abused kitten. Even its dark mane, thick and almost completely black in color was worse for wear as it was full of mattes and tangles. He had a feeling that Cullen failed at taking care of himself even in this state.

Eventually he moved so that he was sitting with his back against a tree and the lion had followed after him like a needy house cat. Now it was curled up beside him, resting its giant bloodstained head in Dorian's lap. He continued to run his fingers through its fur, gently removing any tangles he came across, as he tried to comprehend exactly what was going on.

This was clearly magic; magic he’d never seen before, which pretty much meant it wasn’t good magic and would be no small task to get rid of. But knowing this helped connect a lot of the dots that made up what he knew about the Commander. It was probably why Cullen had changed mannerisms so suddenly when they were sparing and why the man had seemed so honestly upset about having to turn him down on his offer for drinks. If this happened every night it would make sense to not want to risk being drunk and around people when the change happened. Then again, maybe he was just trying to salvage his own ego. Dorian sighed then, “You’re a real pain in the ass, you know that?”

The li-, Cullen’s amber eyes opened at the sound of his voice and it gave the mage a look that could only be described as questioning. Seeing the giant cat give him such an innocent look made Dorian smile, “You can’t even understand what I’m saying to you, can you? Of course not, you’re a lion, even if you are a ridiculously handsome man most of the time.”

“When I followed you out here and saw you strip, I’d been hoping for something a lot more, well, kinky. But no, you had to go and change into some giant lion,” Dorian paused in his complaining before sighing once more. “Though I suppose you aren’t too happy about this either, are you? I can only imagine how much it gets in the way of your work and whatever else you do.”

The lions eyes stared back at him blankly and the mage shook his head. “At least you seem to enjoy the sound of my voice, I can’t say I blame you for that, I have quite the magnificent voice after all. And do try not to look too sad about all of this, you get the honor of keeping me warm tonight. If you do a good job I may just keep you as my own personal heater,” Admittedly though, all the times that he had imagined what it would be like to spend the night with the handsome Commander, he’d never imagined it like this.

Snuggling in closer to Cullen and his warm fur, Dorian let his thoughts wander, often speaking them aloud to his silent companion. He supposed it was odd to feel comfortable and safe when cuddling such a dangerous animal, especially when he panicked if normal men wanted to cuddle with him. But he really did feel safe; this was Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes Cullen after all, so it wasn’t like he had anything to worry about, except maybe the bombardment of apologies that he’d get in the morning when the man turned back. Until that time came though, Dorian wouldn’t worry about it and eventually, he drifted off to sleep. 


	3. Chapter 3

Cullen woke with the sun like always, muscles aching and the taste of blood thick in his mouth. However, this morning was different from the others, as normally he’d wake up cold and alone. But he was rather warm comparatively and someone, something was with him, curled up around him and breathing softly against his skin.

Slowly opening his eyes, Cullen froze when he saw exactly who it was with him. Dorian’s sleeping face greeted him, the mages head resting on one of the blond arms, his long tan limbs wrapped around him tightly like some kind of heat-seeking leach. Part of him had to admit that the closeness was nice; he could barely remember the last time he’d been like this with someone else. He only wished that this had been brought on by better circumstances.

Cullen carefully pried himself free of Dorian’s vice-like grip, taking a moment to stretch out his sore muscles. Once he finished, the blond moved to carefully inspect Dorian’s body. His fingers ghosted over the sleeping Tevinter’s exposed skin and clothing in search of any injuries. Panic filled him when he noticed the dried blood on the mage, reminding him of the taste he’d woken with still lingering in his mouth, but it was quickly replaced with confusion when he couldn’t find any signs of wounds. Had the mage healed himself or maybe used a potion? He didn’t seem to have any on him.

“Mmm, that tickles,” Dorian suddenly groaned, startling the knight.

Sleepy gray eyes opened as Cullen pulled his hands back, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake you. I just… I… are you… did I… are you okay?”

Dorian sighed and sat up, running a hand through his sleep mused hair, clearly not looking forward to having this conversation with the blond. Cullen couldn’t say he blamed him. “I’m surprisingly fine, all things considered, though now a little chilly as my furry personal heater is now an attractive, naked man who is sitting too far away in the snow. Now, while I’m very interested in this animal by night, dashing Fereldan by day thing, I think if anyone deserves an explanation it would be me.”

A blush took over Cullen’s face at the compliments and in embarrassment, going all the way from his ears to his shoulders. He shifted to cover his flaccid cock and balls with one hand while he ran his other hand through his wild hair. “Well, I… I suppose you do. I… I’m… there’s a curse on me, there has been for a while now. At, at night I turn into a, a lion and sometimes during the day as well if my adrenalin is high and I lose control of myself,” Now that he’d started talking about it, Cullen couldn’t bring himself to stop.

He’d longed to talk to someone about this for so long and now that he had the chance it all seemed to be just rushing out of him. “The demon thought it was funny, by the Maker, it laughed when it told me what I was going to be forced to become, a lion, a fucking lion, a mockery of the title I had earned through hard work and had been so proud of. That, that thing ruined my whole life and it laughed! The things it made me do… I, I just want to… I know there is no way I can, but I want to make up for it, for everything I’ve done, everything it made me do back then.”

Cullen was standing now pacing in the snow as Dorian watched him silently, gray eyes wide with an emotion he couldn’t place. “That’s why I’m here, to make a difference, to help and save lives, like I’d always wanted to. I left the Templars, because the curse made it so that I could no longer take lyrium, and I couldn’t be around people at night and the, the violence brought my curse out. That’s why I shouldn’t have spared with you. With the recruits I’m always the one in control and it’s easy to stay myself. But you, you got me so excited, presented me with a real challenge, and I nearly lost myself. I could have killed you so easily,” his voice was quiet as he whispered the last part. “When you invited me out to drink that last night at Haven, I couldn’t because night was so close and I didn’t want to hurt anyone on accident. That’s why I’ve been trying to put as much distance between myself and the camp as possible every night. I don’t want to harm anyone in the camp and no one wants to find out that they’ve been following a monster.”

The blond gave a self-depreciating laugh then. Memories of the night before came to his mind as he noticed the bear, the taste of blood that still lingered in his mouth finally making sense. Silence fell for a few moments, growing heavy between them before Cullen sighed, “I should have been the one to stay behind in Haven, not the Herald. I should have been the one to die there, not her.”

Dorian snapped to attention then, eyes livid as he got to his feet, moving towards where Cullen stood, staring off into the distance. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare say something like that ever again or I swear that I will set your ridiculously curly hair on fire. Yes, you may have scared the holy shit out of me last night, but you also saved my life. Most of the people at the camp owe their lives to you as well, Cullen, and I’m sure they would have no problem saying so. Vishante kaffas! Suddenly all of your self-sacrificing and extreme willingness to die makes sense. You may not be literally sent from the Gods, but you have helped so many people that it doesn’t matter, you stupid naïve man.”

The darker man’s hands grabbed at the sides of Cullen’s face as he spoke and a spark seemed to rush through him, setting his nerves on fire and reminding him of his nudity. He pulled away once Dorian had finished speaking. “You’re right; this isn’t the time for that, thank you. We, uh, should probably head back; people might get suspicious or worry.”

An unreadable emotion passed over Dorian’s face, but it was quickly replaced by a playful smile. “As most people aren’t up at the crack of dawn I doubt that. But while we are speaking of cracks I suppose we should at the very least get you dressed before you blind me with your paleness.”

Cullen rolled his eyes at the comment, but didn’t say anything in response. Instead he turned his attention to the ground, thanking the Maker that it had barely snowed last night so his large tracks were easy enough to spot and follow.

They walked in silence, a heavy tension growing between them as they continued. On more than one occasion, Cullen had caught Dorian staring at his ass, but the mage always shrugged innocently and pretended that he had been no such thing, instead staring pointedly to the side with a poorly hidden smile on his face. He was far from subtle and Cullen couldn’t find it in himself to care, or really even be embarrassed by the attention as it was slightly flattering.

After what felt like an eternity, they finally reached the spot where Cullen had stashed his clothing and armor the night before. Dorian turned around to give him some privacy, something that greatly amused the blond as he figured it was more than a little late for that kind of modesty. He didn’t complain about it though, he did however slip his cloak onto the shivering Tevinters shoulders instead of putting it on himself. Dorian gave him a surprised and confused look as Cullen slipped it around him, the fur brushing against his face.

“You need it more than I do, only one of us is used to the cold after all,” Cullen gave the mage a small smile as he explained his action before he turned away and began walking towards camp.

“That’s only because you people seem to have no idea that there are seasons other than winter. If I couldn’t see the sun right now I would think that it never shined here in the south,” Dorian remarked as he walked beside the Commander, wrapping the cloak tighter around himself. As he did, Cullen couldn’t help but notice that the mage actually looked rather good in it, wrapped in something of his.

Cullen laughed softly, “So what is it like there then? In Tevinter, other than unnecessarily hot. I’ve, understandably, never had the pleasure of visiting?”

Dorian arched a dark eyebrow at him. “Do you really want to know?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t,” Cullen answered him seriously. Yes, part of him was curious about the foreign country, but it was more so that he wanted to know more about Dorian as what he did know about the mage was next to nothing.

“Oh… Well,” Dorian paused for a moment, looking rather thoughtful, and Cullen began to worry that this was in fact a sore subject, one he shouldn’t have brought up. All things considered it made sense that the mage may not want to talk about his homeland, especially with a Templar, well ex-Templar, but that didn’t really make a difference.

As he began to tell Dorian that he didn’t have to answer if he wasn’t comfortable with it, the mage began to speak. “I honestly don’t know what to say. This is certainly a first, congratulations Cullen, you have achieved the impossible. To put it simply, I love my homeland, but I am not blind to its many flaws. In Tevinter, at least from what I experienced, it is all a big political game, all the time. There is so much potential for greatness and discovery, but it’s all wasted on petty squabbling about who has the better bloodlines and most wealth. We like to think we are so much better than the rest of the world and are above everyone else, but we really aren’t. We could accomplish so much if we just got our heads out of our asses and opened up. It would most likely be slow goings for some time, but it would be worth it. That’s part of why I am here now, I want to show everyone back home in Tevinter what can be done if we worked together with the rest of the world.”

While he’d started off rather hesitant, Dorian had quickly become very passionate, hands moving excitedly as he spoke, gray eyes bright. Cullen had a feeling that this wasn’t something the brunet had a chance to talk about often and he honestly didn’t mind listening to the man ramble on. Dorian did in fact have a very nice voice and he was finally getting a chance to learn more about him. “You must miss it.”

“Painfully, at times,” Dorian admitted. “As I said, it has its up and its downs. I really took all of its warm wonderful sunshine for granted, something I deeply regret, but at least here I haven’t been pestered for a game of chess once or some other equally boring nonsense, so that is a blessing,”

Cullen admittedly perked at the mention of chess, giving his companion a questioning smile. “I didn’t realize you played chess.”

Dorian groaned, “Fasta vass, don’t you dare say that you want to play chess with me. I don’t know if there is any way I could go easy enough on you to not crush you in minutes without throwing the game completely. I doubt either would be good for your ego.”

The playful insult had Cullen’s whole body shaking with laughter as he shook his head. “Oh, now I wish I had a set with me, I would easily make you eat your words.”

“Well, aren’t you confident,” Dorian cooed in condescending reply.

“When it comes to chess, I am very confident, and rightfully so,” Cullen shot back, flashing the mage a cocky smirk. “I have no qualms about admitting that I am very good at chess. It is my job to think strategically after all,”

Dorian looked a little surprised for a moment, giving Cullen a wide eyed stare. It was a short-lived look though, quickly replaced by a toothy grin. “I will make you eat your words, Cullen. Should we ever escape these damn mountains and find some habitable place to set up base, that is.”

Cullen began to laugh again; he couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed like this. “I look forward to playing with you then.”

Finally, Dorian seemed to realize what he’d basically been tricked into insisting. “You sneaky bastard, how dare you use my pride against me. You have clearly been spending too much time with Leliana.”

“But you made it so easy. How could I not?” Cullen taunted softly, still smirking.

“Festis bei umo canavarum,” Dorian groaned in defeat and tipped his head back, only avoiding walking into the side of a tent because Cullen grabbed him by the arm and pulled him closer.

Cullen let go of him quickly when Dorian gave him a surprised look, though he wasn’t sure if it was just from the sudden touch or the sudden appearance of the camp. He too, was admittedly a little surprised by the later, so caught up in their conversation that he didn’t even realize how much progress they had made. But now that the comfortable spell that had settled between them was broken the awkwardness returned. Cullen shuffled his feet and rubbed at the back of his neck as he tried to think of what to say now.

“I believe this is yours,” Dorian mumbled, slipping of the blonds cloak before handing it back to him. “I, I am going to go clean up now as I am personally, not very fond of the smell of blood, old or new. I will, no doubt, see you later,”

Cullen just nodded in reply, clutching his warm cloak in his hands. A soft blush dusted his cheeks when Dorian winked at him before sauntering off to his tent. He watched him go, only moving to put his cloak on once Dorian was out of sight. Guiltily, He leaned into the fur for a moment when he noticed it now carried the slight smell of cinnamon.

As the knight reached his own tent a shout from the other side of the camp caught his attention. Sighing heavily, he jogged over to investigate the cause, amber eyes going wide when he noticed a pale figure stumbling through the snow towards them. He could barely believe his eyes, but the reactions of the other guards confirmed he wasn’t hallucinating and his jog turned into a sprint.

The elf was barely visible against the snow, but she gave Cullen a small smile when she noticed him before collapsing into his arms. She was violently shivering and unconscious now, but she was alive. The Herald had returned.


	4. Chapter 4

Dorian flopped down onto his bedroll with a heavy sigh. Never in his life had anything so dreadfully cold felt so good. Today had been insane. Not only had he discovered Cullen’s curse, but Lavellan had managed to come back from the dead as well. The whole damn camp had been in an uproar when Cullen carried the unconscious elf to the medic’s tent.

The mage huffed out an amused laugh then, as it seemed funny to him how all of a sudden Cullen was everywhere, involved in everything, which made sense, all things considered, they lived in very close quarters now. But it felt like his eyes were instantly drawn to the blond whenever he was around. He’d even noticed the slight shift in the Commanders features as he rushed through with the Herald, the side effects of his curse brought on by adrenalin as he’d mentioned before. And when that whole, weird, singing hymns at the poor elf had started, Dorian was able to pick out Cullen’s deep, resonate voice from the masses. He’d honestly been surprised to learn that the man could sing, even though it made sense for an ex-Templar who had once devoted his life to the order and Chantry. But it seemed like Cullen was just full of surprises, like his – no!

Dorian did his best to halt his thoughts there, but that didn’t stop the heat from pooling in him as he remembered just how physically ‘gifted’ the Commander was in both physique and proportions. Groaning, the mage shifted his hips in search of a more comfortable position to lie in. When that didn’t help, he moved to roll onto his back, reaching a hand down to palm at his slowly hardening cock, cursing his wandering mind. For a brief moment he allowed himself to wonder at what it would feel like to have Cullen’s hand on him instead, large and rough from years of hard work and wielding a sword. That thought most definitely wasn’t helping the situation though.

As Dorian was debating the pros and cons of just getting himself off now, the flap of the tent opened and he pulled his hand away from his crotch as if he’d been scalded. The Iron Bull entered carefully, making sure his horns didn’t snag on anything and bring the tent crashing down on top of them. He gave Dorian a knowing smile when he saw him, “So you are in here.”

“And so what if I am?” Dorian snapped with a little more venom than was needed, but hopefully it covered up his embarrassment at having been interrupted, but he was glad he hadn’t gone farther. Though if he played his cards right the Qunari might help him with the situation, and optimistically, distract him from his thoughts of Cullen.

Bull didn’t seem to mind his tone though. “A certain blond Commander was looking for you, he looked pretty antsy. When I told him you’d probably be here he told me to tell you that he’d see you in the morning and took off.”

Gray eyes went wide at the news and Dorian shifted so that he could peak outside. The sun was almost completely set by now. “Vishante kaffas,” he murmured as he leaned back to sit on his bedroll, running a hand through his hair.

“So, what’s up with you two? I know you aren’t banging him, or at least you haven’t yet, you would have been boasting the moment you got back. But you two were gone all night and you were covered in blood when you came back in the morning. That all makes a man pretty damn curious,” The mercenary asked as he settled down onto his own bed beside Dorians.

“What are you, my mother? I never knew Qunari were such gossips. But no, you’re right; I’m not sleeping with His Fluffiness. I think he would blush himself to death if I tried. Last night was just that neither of us could sleep, so we went for a walk, got lost, ran into a bear, and just had a regular old Fereldan adventure.”

Bull gave a small nod with one eyebrow raised. “Uh-huh, sure. You gonna to be joining him again tonight?”

The question made Dorian pause, but he eventually shook his head. “No, it’s too late now.”

The Qunari smiled then. “Don’t worry, Vint, I’m sure your boyfriend wouldn’t mind you being a little late.”

Dorian groaned in response. “You are utterly impossible and have no idea what’s going on. But if the good Commander wants to see me, he can see me in the morning. I do need my beauty rest after all; it’s not that easy being this handsome.”

“Yeah, sure, you just keep telling yourself that,” The Iron Bull replied with a roll of his eyes.

The mage wasn’t entirely sure what the Qunari was referring to, but he wasn’t about to ask, as this conversation had been very different from what he’d initially hoped for. Instead, he just rolled over and settled in as if he was going to sleep, something he honestly did want to do. He was tired from the night before, but he was feeling restless as well. It didn’t take long for his thoughts to wander off, dwelling primarily on thoughts of the lion Cullen was right now and what he was up to. He also wondered at why the blond had been looking for him in the first place. Had he wanted Dorian to join him again?

Why?

The Tevinter honestly had no idea; Cullen never ceased to be confusing. And now he probably thought Dorian was avoiding him. Which made sense; he probably expected that no one would want to be around him once they learned his secret. But that wasn’t the case with him. If anything it actually made Dorian want to spend more time with him, to learn to understand him and the magic that afflicted him nightly. Dorian decided then that he would make sure to wake up early so that he could talk to Cullen as soon as he came back to camp.

By doing that he’d be able to have some alone time with him, where they could discuss his curse and Dorian could explain that he wanted to help. He hadn’t had the chance to do so earlier and he honestly did want to help, as he was not only was he fascinated by the magic used, but he also honestly did want to help Cullen. And getting to spend more time with the blond was just a convenient bonus to it all. Finally, closing his eyes and truly settling in, Dorian allowed himself to relax, mind calmed, and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is rather short and kind of just filler, its been a hectic week. Next weeks should be better, though it probably wont be up till Sunday because of Christmas.


	5. Chapter 5

Cullen’s night had been completely uneventful, especially when compared to the night he’d had before. When he’d woken up cold and shivering in the snow he’d found himself missing Dorian. It was a completely selfish feeling, he knew that, there was no way he could expect Dorian to brave the elements and miss out of sleep for him. Who wanted to spend their nights in a cold, dark forest with a dangerous animal after all? It’s not like the mage had any reason to do so either, he hadn’t offered to help Cullen with his affliction and the blond hadn’t asked either. Plus even if he had that wouldn’t mean that he needed to spend his nights with Cullen.

The knight just missed the company and Dorian was most certainly pleasant company, witty and easy to talk to. Despite the awkwardness, he’d actually been rather pleased to wake up beside the brunet. He’d never really realized, until the previous morning, how much he’d been craving companionship. That was why he’d tried to find Dorian before he went out last night; he’d hoped that maybe the mage would be up for joining him. But when he couldn’t find him and discovered that he’d be in his tent already he accepted that Dorian had no interest in traipsing around the forest with a lion.

It was for this reason that he was both surprised and confused when he got back to camp in the morning and found Dorian standing outside his tent. The mage looked half-asleep but he perked up when he saw the Commander approaching. Cullen gave a small smile as he neared. “Is there something that I can help you with?”

Dorian shuffled awkwardly, running a hand through his hair before giving the blond a bright smile. “Well, I do believe that you said you would see me in the morning, I figured it wouldn’t be too difficult to make your wish come true,”

Cullen nodded slowly in response. “I see, well, thank you very much. I believe this is twice now that you’ve been the first person I’ve seen after waking up,”

“You are a very lucky man then,” Dorian beamed “And before you protest that statement, I would like to tell you exactly why it is that you are lucky. You, my dear Commander, are lucky because you have me, a wonderful and talented mage, who has decided to help you with your predicament. I will accept fine wines and maybe a nice fruit basket as thanks.”

Shock washed through him and Cullen couldn’t think of anything to say, anything that could properly express how he was feeling. That feeling of hope was back, making his chest ache, just as it had when he’d first laid eyes on Dorian. This was something he’d told himself not to hope for and part of him knew that even though Dorian had promised to help, that didn’t mean he would be cured.  But that didn’t stop the hope that filled him. Before he could really think about what he was doing, Cullen moved forward and pulled the mage into a tight hug.

Dorian gave a very undignified squeak of surprise and went stiff against Cullen. As the hug continued though, he slowly relaxed and wrapped his arms around the knight in return. The hug didn’t continue much longer and Cullen had to fight back a shiver when Dorian nuzzled gently into his neck. When they did pull apart they exchanged a small smile and the blond rubbed a hand against the back of his neck. “Thank you, I, that means more to me than you know. I would be honored to have your expertise and help.”

“Don’t thank me yet, Cullen,” The brunet replied, recomposing himself. “Though I do expect a very lovely wine still, you have till we find somewhere decent to live to find one.”

Cullen nodded in agreement to the terms, despite being completely aware of the joking tone to the other man’s voice. Dorian gave him a warm smile before sauntering off, back towards the tent he’d been sharing with the Iron Bull. Once again Cullen watched him go, eyes locked on the other man’s back, not moving till he had ducked out of sight. If he was being honest with himself the staring was completely shallow and he didn’t have a good excuse for it, though he had feeling Dorian would be preening if he knew about it.

Once he was gone, the Commander turned and began to make his way into his own tent, hoping to maybe take a short nap so he wasn’t entirely useless, but a voice stopped him in his tracks. He turned to find the Herald jogging towards him with an excited look on her face that told him sleep was out of the question for now.

“Is there something I can do for you?” He asked when she reached him.

“As a matter of fact yes. We need to start packing,” She responded, getting straight to the point like always, and of course skipping a few steps along the way.

Cullen arched an eyebrow, resting his hands on his pommel as he looked at her. “And where is it that we are supposed to be going?”

Her red eyes became confused for a moment before widening in what he assumed was understanding. “What? Oh. Oh…. I probably should have led with that. Right, I’ll be sure to next time. Anyway, Solas has informed me that he thinks there is an old hold not too far from here that should be suitable for us. I figured that we should head out as soon as possible, you know, before we all die of the cold.”

Cullen nodded slowly as she spoke, processing this new information. This was awfully convenient of Solas, the mage seemed to ‘suddenly’ know lots of things, but who was he to say? It wasn’t like they really had anything to lose at this point. “Very well, I will start informing the people. I take it you’ve already told the others about this.”

Lavellan gave him a sheepish grin in response. “Not yet, I saw you first, but I’ll talk to them next to, you know, make sure it’s okay and help spread the word. Let me know when everything is ready,” she turned to leave then but paused, her back to him. “And Cullen; thanks. For believing that I would find a way, that is, I’m glad I did.”

“Anytime,” He replied as she trotted off in search of the rest of the council. The Commander couldn’t help but roll his eyes as she was instantly distracted by the Iron Bull, she really hadn’t changed.

Giving his tent one last longing look, Cullen strode off into the main parts of camp, barking out orders to the soldiers as he did. There was work to be done now and he had a feeling that the trek to this mysterious hold wasn’t going to be a walk in the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was right about not getting this out on time. I'd hoped to have it out yesterday, but things have been hectic, as nothing says "holidays" quite like arguing with your in-laws.  
> Once again, nothing too dramatic in this chapter, but things should be picking up once they reach Skyhold. Thanks for being patient with me, I'll see you all Friday, hopefully.


	6. Chapter 6

The trip to Skyhold was a tedious one. Dorian was utterly exhausted by the time they reached the long abandoned fortress, and wanted nothing more than a nap once they’d arrived. He’d spent most of his free time during the journey with Cullen, studying the man, even when he didn’t know it. At least that was the excuse Dorian used to brush off the amount of times he’d caught himself staring at the Commander when he was helping people with a heavy load or difficult task. The mage was admittedly still bewildered by Cullen’s seemingly selfless nature. Those had been the most interesting parts of his day though, aside from some of his conversations with Bull and the Chargers, especially Krem, other than that they’d just been boring and cold.

His nights were more exciting though. Cullen would come find him shortly before the sun set and invite him out, always making sure to let Dorian know that he understood if the mage didn’t want to join him. But Dorian always went, even though he was exhausted and just wanted to curl up somewhere warm, he always went with Cullen. It had become routine now, and the ex-Templar presented a very difficult puzzle that Dorian couldn’t wait to solve.

It didn’t take long for Cullen to stop caring about his modesty, though the first night he had blushed like a virgin bride as he stripped in front of Dorian and waited for the change to hit him. The brunet had admittedly found it to be quite endearing, especially as he’d already seen Cullen naked before, a sight he still greatly appreciated if he was being honesty with himself. But he wasn’t there just for the view, they both knew that, and Dorian had been taking detailed notes on the transformation and any tests he’d run. The transformation was still very painful to watch, especially up close and according to Cullen, it was far from pleasant, however, he’d learned a good amount from it.

Like the fact that even when in the form of a lion, Cullen was still human, he didn’t feel any different, his physical shape had simply been altered, and it seemed that by altering it, his senses were modified as well, imitating those of a real lion. That explained the awareness of himself Cullen still had when in his bestial form, he was quite literally still himself. Dorian was also now certain that the magic was demonic, he could feel the taint of it and it had even made him sick to his stomach when he had been up close while examining Cullen during the shift. He couldn’t tell exactly what kind of Demon it was or how exactly the curse worked, but he had a feeling that it was a Pride demon; the cruel irony of all of this was right up their alley.

He hadn’t really told Cullen any of this yet, as he didn’t want to tell him one thing only to discover he was wrong and risk somehow getting the man’s hopes up. And so far, Cullen hadn’t asked as he probably understood that this would take a great deal of time and research.

It was partially for that reason that Dorian had been so completely overjoyed when he’d discovered the library in Skyhold. It hadn’t taken him long to find the best reading spot and claim it as his own, shooting dirty looks at anyone who even seemed to be considering the spot. Despite how rickety the whole place was, Dorian was very excited to be done with all the traveling and to finally have an actual room to himself, even though he had been grateful that the Iron Bull had been so willing to share his tent.

Dorian was even more pleased when the Inquisitor hadn’t asked him to venture out with her. He suspected that had something to do with the warning look he’d given her when she approached him while he was reading. The elf had given him a sheepish smile before backing down the stairs to pester someone else. He understood that they needed supplies and more connections right now, but he deserved a break. She probably needed one more, but she didn’t seem like she was about to stop traipsing around the wilderness any time soon.

The only problem with having a set base now, with walls and soldiers on actual guard duty, was sneaking out had become a lot more difficult. Sure, Cullen knew their routines inside and out, he’d been the one to make them, but it still wasn’t particularly easy. Dorian could only imagine the type of gossip that would fly if someone noticed the esteemed Commander of the Inquisition forces and the mysterious Tevinter mage sneaking off into the night together. He knew what he’d be thinking, and that would be much easier to explain if it was true, but he wasn’t sure about how his little chantry knight would feel about that.

Other than that though, the two didn’t interact much, Cullen stuck to his office or the War Room when he wasn’t working directly with the soldiers and Dorian admittedly spent most of his time in the library, enjoying his ‘free time’. It was for this reason that he was very surprised when about a week and a half after they’d arrived at Skyhold, Cullen approached him in the library. The blond went directly to him once he was up the stairs, his arms both behind his back.

Cullen gave Dorian a small smile as he approached where the mage lounged in a large chair he’d commandeered, reading a painfully outdated text on Necromancy. “I apologize for the intrusion; I hope you aren’t too busy.”

Dorian returned his smile, not at all bothered by the other man’s presence, as he would most likely be much more entertaining than this trash disguised as a book. “Oh, not at all. What can I do for you? It must be very important if you’ve stopped working. Or is this about work? If so I request you leave immediately.”

“No, Dorian, it’s not about work,” The blond chuckled, shaking his head slightly as Dorian decided that he really liked the way the knight said his name. “This is, well, I have a gift for you. A thank you, for everything you’ve done for me already.”

One of his dark eyebrows arched up curiously as he waited to find out exactly what it was that the other man was hiding behind his back. Much to his surprise, he discovered it was a bottle of Tevene wine, a fairly expensive one at that. He quickly remembered what he’d told Cullen before; that he’d be expecting a bottle of wine. He hadn’t been serious, and yet here one was.

“You know you didn’t have to,” He murmured in response, still reeling in surprise.

Cullen shrugged as he handed the bottle to Dorian, moving his other hand to reveal two glasses. “I wanted to, and Josephine was able to find one she thought you’d like faster than I’d expected, as I hadn’t the slightest idea of where to even begin.”

It never ceased to amaze the mage at just how honest the other man was. He smiled as he took the bottle from Cullen, chilling it with a quick spell before he opened it and filled the two glasses. Dorian swished it gently in the glass and before taking a drink, smiling when he noticed that Cullen was imitating him. It was a strong wine, but it had a peasant flavor, and he made a mental note to thank Josephine later.

Cullen made a thoughtful, noise as he stared at the glass in his hand, making Dorian smile. “Is there a problem?”

After a moment the blond shook his head, before taking another drink. “No, I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect, but it’s not bad. It’s definitely different from what I’m used to, but I suppose I should be expecting that when you are involved, and again, that’s not a bad thing,”

The last part made Dorian roll his eyes, but smiled nevertheless. “You flatter me. Is that what this is about, you just want to butter me up?” He teased as he finished his glass.

Cullen finished his after and Dorian filled their glasses as the blond spoke. “Maybe I just wanted to finally share a drink with you,” Cullen murmured softly in response, giving Dorian a small smile, a blush rising in his cheeks, before he took another swallow.

Dorian stared back at him for a moment before a huge smile bloomed on his face. “In that case, lets enjoy this bottle that you so kindly had someone else procure for me,” Dorian lifted his glass and in a sort of toast before taking a drink. If he wasn’t careful he might start liking Cullen a little more than he should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, another late chapter, I'm fantastic! Well, school starts next week, meaning my life will be more regimented, so hopefully I'll be better with my posting then, at least I'm still managing weekly and we are finally getting somewhere.


	7. Chapter 7

Cullen had made a terribly wonderful decision. The wine was much stronger than he’d been expecting it to be and he was quite pleasantly drunk, though it seemed like he wasn’t the only one as his companion was at the very least tipsy. Dorian had joined Cullen in sitting on the library floor, both of them leaning against one of the bookshelves as they passed the bottle back and forth. He had no idea how much time they’d spent laughing and telling stories, the mage even almost fell over from laughing so hard when Cullen told him about the one time he’d almost broken a rib from trying to not to laugh during an inspection.

At one point Dorian had leaned his head against Cullen’s shoulders to steady himself and without thinking, his arm slid around the slighter man’s waist, pulling him closer. Dorians head had jerked up and he’d given Cullen a wide eyed look, before turning to glance around the deserted library, as everyone had already been chased of by their loud laughter. Once the mage seemed to be certain they were alone he had allowed himself to settle against Cullen’s side, even leaning in closer to nuzzle at his neck.

They seemed to mellow after that, a comfortable silence falling, though it was eventually broken by Dorian’s soft voice, speech slightly slurred from the wine. “You know, back in Tevinter something like this would never happen, even thinking of such a thing would be absolutely insane.”

Cullen made a soft humming noise as his hazy brain tried to comprehend what Dorian had just said. “Why’s that? Is that one of those, uh, problems you talked about that Te-tev, you’re home has?”

The mage sighed softly. “It’s all about breeding, if a man is interested in another man that is an unproductive aberration and is therefore bad. Friendship between men is of course allowed, but anything more, anything like this doesn’t happen.”

“That’s sad,” Cullen mumbled as his arm tightened, pulling the mage closer, close enough that he could notice the sweet smell of cinnamon coming from the man. “I’m quite enjoying this.”

Dorian turned to look at him; their faces just inches apart and Cullen found his eyes drawn to the man’s tan lips as he licked his own. Slowly, they began to close the distance and the blond was almost there, their lips nearly brushing, when a jolt of familiar pain shot through him. His amber eyes went wide and he jerked back, shuddering as another one hit.

The change was coming.

He hadn’t even noticed how much time had passed and now he was paying the price. Acting on instinct, Cullen pushed Dorian away from, hating the hurt look on the Tevinter’s face, but he needed space as he began to strip down. At this point he was even more glad than before that they had driven all the others away, now the only concern was Leliana and her spies on the floor above, and Dorian. He couldn’t stand the idea of hurting Dorian somehow.

The pulses came faster and harder and soon he could feel the stretch of his muscles tearing through his skin. Each rip and flacking piece burned and it was torn off, revealing his oversensitive hide underneath. The tearing was however overshadowed by the shattering of his bones. Each one was snapped and snapped again, practically crushed under an invisible weight, only to move and shift still, building a new skeleton in minutes.

It took every inch of his willpower not to scream at the pain and instead remain silent. Even after the change was technically completed his body quivered from the painful aftershocks that came with the change. Surprisingly, he still felt the effects of the wine, and while it wasn’t helping him with the pain, it was making him a little uneasy on his paws.

“Vishante kaffas,” Dorian hissed, drawing Cullen’s attention to him. The brunet was standing and passing beside him now, he was clearly trying to figure out what to do but didn’t seem to be making much progress. “We can’t get you outside like this. Which means you have to stay here, but you can’t stay ‘here’ here, someone will eventually notice the giant lion in the library. Getting you down the stairs should be fine, luckily Solas went with the Inquisitor, but then what? Where do we go… Will you stop looking at me like that?”

Halfway through the man’s rambling, Cullen had leveled him with a flat stare, hoping that it would be enough to communicate that he was being much too loud. When he stopped, Cullen shook his head at him, it was supposed to be a small movement, but it was greatly exaggerated instead due to his drunkenness and the world spun around him for a moment, much to his displeasure. Once it settled, he bumped his large head against Dorians leg, hoping that he would get the hint to follow as Cullen slowly began to trudge towards the stairs.

The lion carefully wobbled down the stairs, his large paws making things very difficult, and he only stopped at the bottom to make sure that Dorian was following. The mage was right behind him, with the Commanders armor and clothing in hand, looking as if he expected Cullen to fall over at any minute. He gave the man a small nod before making his way through the large rotunda. Dorian snickered when he bumped into Solas’ work table, earning him a very dirty look as Cullen corrected himself and once again began making his way to the door that would take them to his office.

Cullen patiently waited patiently for Dorian next to the large wooden door that would take them to his office. He would have pushed open the door himself, but he currently didn’t trust himself to not gouge his claws into it, noticeably damaging it. That would just bring up a lot of unwanted questions later. It didn’t take Dorian very long to join him, but Cullen still shook his head at him, specifically at the way he was looking around like a spooked deer. An amused noise left the lion as he tried to image what the mage seemed to be looking for, his mind settling on some random soldiers  jumping from the shadows and shouting “Aha!” before running off to tell the whole castle that the great Dorian Pavus had been seen traipsing about with a lion. The horror of it all.

At the noise, Dorian shot him a dirty look. “Well, I’m glad to see you’re enjoying yourself so much,” he hissed sarcastically, to which Cullen gave him a lopsided shrug in response.

Dorian groaned softly and shouldered the door open, holding it open long enough for Cullen to slip through before heading out into the cold night air after him. Cullen carefully padded along the walkway, keeping an eye out for any stray soldiers or messengers who could be lurking around his office. Relief filled him when he couldn’t see any as it meant that one, they wouldn’t be seen and two, there wasn’t more work waiting for him.

When they reached the door to his office, Cullen waited for Dorian once more before heading in quickly and heading straight for the fireplace. He stood before it and watched at the mage set his armor and clothing on the floor beside his desk, as there was no free space on it, and once that was done he made a low noise to get the man’s attention. Once he had it, he nodded at the fireplace, getting an arched eyebrow in response.

“I know you aren’t a man of many word, Cullen, but I’m going to need more than a nod to go on.”

The lion huffed and turned to the pile of wood beside the fireplace. Giving it a determined look he began pulling the split logs from their pile with his paws and pushing them towards their destination, though much to his displeasure he ended having to use his mouth to get them into the actual fireplace. When there was a sufficient amount to last him through the night, he turned back to Dorian and nodded his head at it again.

Dorian seemed to get his meaning this time and smiled, “Well, why didn’t you just say so?”

With a flick of his hand fire roared to life on top of the precariously stacked wood. A violent shiver ran through Cullen as well, his fur standing on end at the feeling of the magic. It felt like ants crawling all over his bare skin.

The brunet looked confused by the reaction and moved over to kneel beside Cullen. “Did you feel that?” He asked as he ran his hand through his golden fur.

Cullen nodded and shivered again, though for an entirely different reason this time.

“How interesting,” Dorian nodded slowly as he thought over the reaction, hands still running through Cullen’s fur.

Eventually they had both settled on the floor, Cullen lounging all stretched out with his head on his paws and Dorian leaning against his side. The mage was rambling on and on, just talking about anything that came to his mind, but after a particularly cold just of wind entered the room, he paused. And for the first time all night he looked up.

“Cullen Rutherford, where is your roof!?”


	8. Chapter 8

Even though it hadn’t been his intention, Dorian spent the night in Cullen’s office. He’d initially planned to go back to his room, somewhere where there was an actual ceiling, but he’d kept finding reasons to stay. At first it’d been that he was concerned about people coming in and what they would do when they found a lion in the Commanders office instead of the tall blond who was normally here. Eventual he realized that they probably didn’t expect to find him here anyway; he was never here at night after all.

Next, he became distracted by the bookshelf. He couldn’t help but wonder a how long the man had had this and why he hadn’t told Dorian about it. As he’d browsed through the scant selection, the mage grew quite amused at when he found. Most of the books were on battle strategy and war, but there were also a couple on chess, as well as the flora and fauna of multiple places. It was all so very Cullen. He had been hoping to maybe find something a little scandalous, but unsurprisingly there was nothing that could even remotely fall into that category. He’d even gone so far as to check the books, to see if there contents matched their outside, to see if maybe the man had been hiding something. But no, everything was just as dull as it had initially seemed.

After having been thoroughly disappointed by the contents of the bookshelf he moved on to the last object of interest, Cullen’s desk. He gave the large lion a questioning look before doing anything, but the Commander didn’t do anything. He simply continued to watch Dorian with a lazy gaze, stretched out in front of the hearth like any normal cat would be, and for a moment Dorian wondered what it would be to see Cullen really like that. Pale skin instead of golden fur, shimmering in the firelight with amber eyes watching his every move; the shiver that ran down his back then had nothing to do with the draft.

Breaking free of that train of thought, he finally began his inspection. From what he could tell underneath the piles and mayhem, the desk was a nice one, at the very least it was quite sturdy to have not collapsed under so much weight. Dorian casually sifted through some of the papers, finding these as well to be extremely boring. Just reports and official documents, he didn’t understand how Cullen could stand it all. But considering the fact that he’d snuck away earlier, gave the mage the feeling that the good Commander wasn’t particularly fond of it either, he was a man of action after all. There was one piece though that did manage to catch his interest.

It was a different type of paper than the stuff the Inquisition used and while this may have been going too far, Dorian was curious. He read over it carefully and quickly found himself smiling, laughing even. He didn’t know that Cullen had a family, another thing he would have to question him about, but he wasn’t surprised in the least that the knight wasn’t very good at staying in contact with them. Dorian did however, decide then that he was quite fond of this ‘Mia’, he would be fond of anyone who sassed Cullen. It was a pity that particular trait didn’t seem to run in their family though. While their conversations were far from boring, a little sass from the blond would spice things up even more.

Dorian made his way back over to where Cullen lay then and joined him on the floor, settling against the lion’s warm side. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a sister? Well, is suppose I shouldn’t be surprised as it seems you sometimes forget that you have one.”

The look he got in response was bashful and ashamed, with a hint humor. When had he gotten so good at reading the other man’s emotions?

The answer evaded him and he wasn’t sure he even wanted to know so he quickly pushed it out of his mind. “Well she sounds absolutely lovely. Is she your only sister? I must admit, I’m slightly jealous. I was an only child and for a time I was perfectly content with that I loved being spoiled, I still do in fact. But as I grew up I found myself wishing for a sibling, if not for companionship then to at least take some of my parent’s attention off of me. I thought that if there was someone else then they wouldn’t have been so hard on me, there would have been a backup-plan…”

Dorian paused there, sighing, and Cullen gently bumped his large head against him. The mage rolled his gray eyes at the action and buried one of his hands in the lush mane, petting him gently. After that they just sat in silence, both staring into the fire until they fell asleep.

***

When Dorian awoke in the morning it was to the sounds of someone walking near him. On instinct, he sat up quickly, one of his hands uselessly searching for his staff, and to his great surprise he found he was covered by a thick blanket. As his slowly waking mind made sense of his surroundings, he turned to look around the room. He found Cullen behind his desk, fast at work already. The sight of him was one the mage decided that he liked a great deal.

The blond was leaning over the desk, both of his hands planted on it as he read over reports, a look of intense concentration on his face that Dorian would really like to have directed at him instead. He had also skipped out on some steps of getting dressed it seemed; only wearing his standard black trousers and boots with his sword hanging at his side. His upper half was deliciously exposed, each little scar standing out against his pale skin, begging to be traced. Dorian had seen him much more naked than this many times before, but then it had never lasted long and was always in the dark of night. But now Cullen was golden in the sunlight, standing before him like some romance novels hero and he couldn’t look away.

Dorian stood slowly, stretching out his sore muscles. Sleeping on the floor was far from comfortable, even with his fluffy space heater acting as a pillow. As he stood, Cullen finally looked up from the papers on his desk, giving the brunet a warm smile. “Good morning. Sorry if I woke you.”

“Yes, you terribly selfish man, how dare you interrupt my beauty sleep. I shall only forgive you if you answer one thing for me,” Dorian replied as he returned the smile, making his way over to his desk.

Cullen arched an eyebrow and rolled his eyes. “Well, in that case, I suppose I don’t have much of a choice, now do I? Ask away.”

The mages smile turned to a grin and he pointed up, up to the gaping hole where Cullen’s roof should have been. The Commanders expression grew confused and he looked up to where Dorian was pointing. Realization seemed to dawn on him then and he began to look a little sheepish as he shifted to look at the floor instead, rubbing at the back of his neck.

“Well,” He began before pausing as if to think about what he was going to say. “Um, let just say that I had to make some sacrifices to get other things…”

At first, Dorian had no idea what he’d meant by that, but then he remembered the bottle of wine. The very nice, very expensive bottle of wine that Cullen had gotten for him, and suddenly it all made sense. Cullen had sacrificed his own needs to get something for Dorian. Emotions swelled inside him at that thought and he just stared at the other man, unsure of what to say. Part of him was angry, angry at him for neglecting himself in such a way, and yet it was so very fitting.  He always seemed to be trying to make Dorian smile or laugh and this was no different.

When had Cullen gotten so close?

Dorian was slightly startled to find that they were nearly chest to chest now, staring at each other. He hadn’t realized that he’d moved closer, but when he thought about it, it just felt like the best thing to do. The knight was close enough now that he could-

He took a step back.

Cullen took one forwards and leaned in slowly. His dry lips brushed lightly against Dorians in a kiss so gentle it made him shiver

The blond pulled back to look at him, amber eyes both wary and hopeful. After a moment he leaned in once more, but Dorian took another step back and Cullen stopped.

He couldn’t do this.

At the look of hurt on Cullen’s face, Dorian turned and ran.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early chapter this week! (Tomorrow is going to be a very busy day...)

Cullen wanted to throw himself from the battlements.

How could he have been such a fool to think that Dorian would be interested in him, interested in more than simple friendship?

He’d been stupid to think that he was somehow special, that there was some meaning behind Dorians flirting with him, despite the fact that he flirted with everyone. Cullen had known that there wasn’t a chance, but that brief moment together in the library before he’d shifted had gotten his hopes up. Dorian seemed to have a knack for getting his hopes up it seemed.

Sighing heavily, Cullen turned his gaze towards where Crestwood would be. Dorian was probably there by now with the Inquisitor. She’d returned shortly after he’d kissed Dorian and when she left to find Hawke’s warden friend Dorian had gone with her. He’d jumped on the opportunity after having spent the previous days avoiding Cullen and making up excuses for why he had something else to do instead of speak with the Commander, or even be in the same room as him.

Cullen was certain other people had noticed as well, considering how much they’d been seen together before. The Iron Bull had sent him a few questioning glances, but never actually asked anything about it and Cullen was grateful for that. He didn’t want to think about it, let alone talk about it.

And yet here he was, using up the little free time he’d earned himself, thinking about it, thinking about Dorian. About the look on his face when he’d kissed him. He hated it; he hated himself for it, for being the reason that Dorian had looked so pained.

“Makers breath,” he murmured to himself, rubbing at the back of his neck. He was being ridiculous, moping about like some heartbroken maiden. His feelings didn’t matter; all that mattered was that he did his job to the best of abilities and that meant being on good terms with the members of the Inquisition. When Dorian returned he would apologize for his behavior and let him know that nothing like that would ever happen again.

Making up his mind, Cullen headed back to his office. He might as well use this free time to get more work done. Or maybe he would finally write his sister back, she would like that.

Once inside, he paused in surprise when he saw that the small room wasn’t empty. The Iron Bull was standing before his desk, clearly waiting for him. “I apologize, I didn’t know you were here,” Cullen said quickly as he approached. He’d assumed the Qunari had gone with the Inquisitor as they were practically attached at the hip since Haven.

The large man shrugged. “No problem, I haven’t been waiting long, figured you wouldn’t be gone long either.”

Cullen gave a small nod. “Ah, well that’s good at least. Is there something I can help you with?”

Again, Bull shrugged. “I was looking for a good sparring partner.”

Oh. Cullen thought back to the last time he’d sparred with anyone and what had started. “Have you asked Casandra? I’m sure she isn’t busy.”

“She never hits hard enough.”

“The ring is usually crowded this time of day.”

“I wasn’t thinking of using one of the rings,” Bull clearly wasn’t going to let him weasel his way out of this. “Come on, we both know you could stand to let off a little steam. Desk jobs aren’t good for men like us.”

He had a point. It had been a while since he’d had a good fight, the last had been Dorian and even then he’d been worried about accidentally hurting the mage. Cullen sighed in defeat, “Very well.”

The Iron Bull grinned at him and nodded his head at the door. “Meet you at the gates in ten,” With that he turned and left, carefully maneuvering out the door.

***

It admittedly didn’t take Cullen very long to get ready. He opted to leave his fur mantle behind, it was a warm enough day, and brought his shield in its place. There was no doubt in his mind that he was going to need it. Despite how little time he’d taken, Bull had still beaten him to the gates, waiting there with his battleax strapped to his back

“I know a good spot not too far from here,” He said in way of greeting, motioning for the blond to follow him as he started walking, heading out into the Frostbacks.

Bull had been right, it wasn’t very far, but far enough that the chances of them being bothered were slim. Once they were settled Bull drew his ax and Cullen his sword.

The two circled each other slowly, sizing the other man up and looking for any potential weaknesses. Bull charged first, bellowing as he rushed forward, and swung at Cullen. The knight ducked and rolled in response, swinging out with his sword as he rose to his feet, barely missing the Qunari’s large side.

Bull grinned and swung again. This one Cullen blocked with his shield, the force of it made his arm tingle, but he was able to direct the blow to the side and lunged forward. The other man quickly danced away from his blade, still smiling like a mad man, but Cullen would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying this.

The two continued on like that exchanging blows as they danced around each other till they were sweating and panting from the exertion. After the edge of the Qunari’s ax had nicked the side of Cullen’s face and the tip of the knights sword had sliced a shallow cut into the Iron Bulls chest they had thrown their weapons and armor aside.

Now they circled each other much closer, fists raised as they threw punches at one another. Bull had the advantage of size and reach, but Cullen was more agile and able to maneuver faster. A few hits still landed once in a while though, Cullen had a split lip thanks to one and Bull was going to be very sore in the morning.

This had gone on longer than Cullen had suspected, however he could feel his control waning and knew that they would have to call it quits soon lest he run the risk of mauling the mercenary.

After a flurry of quick, successful punches to Bulls side, he backpedaled away and waited for the other man’s attack, only to be distracted when he spoke. “So what’s up with you and Dorian?”

His defense dropped at the question and Bull jumped on the opportunity, his fist connecting with the side of Cullen’s face hard enough to send him backwards.

Cullen hit the ground hard, gasping for air as he did. His face ached and he would have a black eye for sure, but that was drowned out by the sudden pain that wracked his body. The knight could hear the other man cursing as he arched up, howling in pain before he managed to flip onto his hands and knees. The sounds of ripping flesh and fabric, and breaking bones filled the clearing as Cullen dug his claws into the ground, doing what he could to fight of the shift.

It was too late though and soon it was complete. He was still panting heavily, face and body aching from the exertion and injuries. Adrenalin was pounding though his veins, making him dizzy, and the smell of blood wasn’t helping.

“Shit. Cullen?”

He roared at the name and turned and leapt on instinct.

Had it not been for the Qunari’s size and strength, Cullen would have crushed his skull in his mouth. He’d managed to tackle the man to the ground though, partially thanks to the element of surprise, but Bull had still caught him, large hands holding the lion’s teeth about an inch from his face. Bull threw him to the side, rising to his feet as Cullen did.

He stood ready for another attack, but Cullen stayed where he was, large head lowered in shame. He’d let his adrenalin and instincts get the better of him, but he’d managed to calm down and come to his sense now. Silence fell between them and he could hear the other man’s breathing slowly returning to normal, but he didn’t dare look up.

Much to his surprise the silence was eventually broken by laughter. He looked up in confusion to see the Iron Bull nearly doubled over with laughter, arms wrapped around his clearly sore stomach. “Damn Cullen, you nearly had me there. You scared the shit out of me and that ain’t easy!”

His laughter died as he spoke and soon he was just smiling. “Is this why you’re always walking around with a stick up your ass?”

Cullen gave him a flat stare in reply and Bull howled with laughter again.

“It is,” He was wiping tears from his eyes as he spoke. “Does the Inquisitor know?”

Cullen shook his head, his black mane giving the motion a dramatic air.

Bull nodded slowly. “Dorian?”

This time he nodded.

“Did you hurt him?” It was phrased as a question, but the underlying threat was clear.

Cullen’s eyes widened in horror at the thought and he shook his head vigorously. That was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

A small knowing smile crept onto his companions face at his response. “Ah, I see. Man, I love being right. I take it he’s been helping you with this.”

Another nod, albeit a slightly confused one. What had he been right about?

“You ever going to tell the Inquisitor?”

A shrug.

“She’ll kick your ass if you don’t. That little elf is feisty, trust me. And she’s already worried about your health, so you might as well come clean; it won’t make her think any less of you.”

Cullen sat quietly as he thought over what Bull had said. As it stood right now there were too many people who knew about this for his liking, but the Qunari had a point. Maybe it would be for the best, to tell Lavellan, she would probably find out sooner or later. And Bull was right, she would kick his ass if she found out and it wasn’t from him. After a moment he gave a small nod, letting the other man know that he would at least consider it, or at least that’s what he hoped to get across with it.

Bull smiled at him and began to pick up his stuff, moving it behind a tree so it couldn’t be easily found. “I’m guessing you’re going to be staying out here till you’re a little less furry. So I’ll head back and make up an excuse for you.”

After Cullen bowed his head in thanks the Iron Bull ruffled his mane before heading back to Skyhold, laughing as he went.

Cullen watched him go, wishing that he could follow, or somehow ask him to come back later. He wasn’t looking forward to spending the rest of the day and night out here alone. It was ridiculous how fast he’d gotten used to having company. Lying down, he let out a huff as he rested his head on his paws.

He missed Dorian.


	10. Chapter 10

To say that Dorian had been surprised when the Iron Bull asked him to play a game of chess with him, would be an understatement. At first he’d wondered if Cullen had blabbed about him playing chess, but he figured that was highly unlikely. The Qunari had probably just known that he would, given his upbringing and all. Not to mention the fact that Bull was ridiculously good at reading people.

He’d agreed though, despite making sure to let his ‘distaste’ for the game be known. Part of him was admittedly excited, it’d been so long since he played and Bull would prove to be a challenge, which would be refreshing. The other part of him though, was disappointed that his first game after so long wasn’t going to be against the Commander, especially after all the trouble he’d gone through to get Dorian to agree to play him. That seemed so long ago now, the morning after he’d first found out about Cullen’s secret.

For a moment Dorian wished that night had never happened, that he hadn’t let his curiosity get the best of him, but he changed his mind immediately. He was glad he’d gotten to know the Fereldan so well, more so than he was ready to admit.

“Your boyfriend tried to kill me,” Bull’s low voice snapped Dorian back to the real world and the game at hand.

“Cullen what?” It was the mages instant reaction, and he regretted it the moment the words left his mouth.

The Iron Bull, however, was grinning victoriously. “He quite literally tried to bite my head off. You know, Dorian, I always knew you had weird tastes, but I never pegged you as the feline type,”

Realization dawned on him and he leaned in, hissing under his breath. “Be quite! Someone might hear you. Kaffas, have you no sense of subtlety, and here I thought you were supposed to be a spy.”

“I suppose I could do that,” the other man’s smile was absolutely wicked now and Dorian began to regret agreeing to this game. He should’ve known there were ulterior motives involved. “But only if you tell me something.”

“If you want to know about his curse, ask him, it’s not my place to say,” Dorian grumbled as he moved back, to sit up normally. He made his move then, using the game as a reason to not look at the Qunari.

“Nah, Cullen already filled me in on it. I want to know what’s up with the two of you. You used to be attached at the hip and now you practically run from him, leaving him standing there like an abandoned kitten,” Bull spoke softly as he moved one of his own pieces.

Dorian swallowed back the lump that had formed in his throat. He knew the look Bull was talking about, one time he’d made the mistake of turning to look at Cullen as he left and seen it. The downcast amber eyes and slumped shoulders just screamed ‘heartbreak’, especially from such a naturally neutral looking man. Dorian didn’t deserve to be looked at like that. “I don’t know what you’re talking about I’ve simply been very busy as of late, he has been as well. I’m sure you can understand, the Inquisitor missed you a great deal while we were gone after all.”

Bull chuckled. “I see. You know, he attacked me over you. We were sparring; poor man’s been locked up in his tower like a storybook damsel since you stopped talking to him, and so I asked about you as a distraction. Cullen dropped all of is defenses at your name, went white as a sheet too and just stared at me. It was after that that he got all fluffy and decided my face would be a good snack.”

Guilt swelled in Dorian. He remembered all the things that the blond had told him about what could force him to change. One of them was emotional instability. Another was adrenaline though; maybe it had just been that, from sparring, there was no assurance that Dorian was actually the cause. “Apparently he is a poor judge of taste; I doubt your face would be worth the trouble.”

“Considering the man’s ass over tits for you, you might be right.”

The chess piece in Dorians hand slipped from his fingers and clattered onto the board, knocking over a few others. He just stared down at where it now lay, not sure of what to do or say in response. That was the last thing he wanted to hear.

“And I get the feeling that you’re the same for him,” Bull continued

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Dorian snapped almost instantly in reply, making his companion smile.

“Right, I get it now. You ran. And now you’re hiding from him cause you’re too chickenshit to face him. Emotions aren’t going to kill you, Dorian.”

He scoffed. “I know that. Culllen, he and I, it wouldn’t work. He’s the Inquisitions Commander, a man idolized by so many of our soldiers. What would happen to that, to all of the respect he’s earned if they found out he was a little more than friends with the untrustworthy Tevinter Magister.”

Bull rolled his eyes in response before speaking. “One, you’re not a magister. Two, I’m certain Lavinia would happily hit anyone she heard say that about you, I know she nearly did it to Cassandra, Cullen would probably do the same. And three, have you mentioned any of this to him? Cause I doubt he’d care too much, besides he deserves to have something good for himself.”

“Well, then that is most certainly not me. Look, I promised to help him with his curse, and I will, I’m still trying to figure it out, but I can’t do more, I can’t.” Dorian replied softly. He really wasn’t enjoying this conversation.

“I never imagined you were such an idiot, you aren’t in Tevinter anymore. So if you ever decided to get that pretty head of yours out of your ass, I suggest you go and talk to him. He can’t wait for you forever,” Bull sighed softly. He stood carefully and tipped his king over with one hand before walking away.

Dorian stared down at the chess board, listening to the Qunari’s footsteps fade. As much as he hated to admit it, Bull was right. Cullen couldn’t just wait for him forever, though he would most certainly try. That stupid, wonderful, handsome man; he didn’t deserve him, didn’t deserve his affection.

Taking a deep breath, Dorian stood, he knew what he needed to do, for both of them. He needed to end this.


	11. Chapter 11

**__**__Cullen jumped when he heard a knock on his door. He’d been deeply engrossed in a report, trying to figure out what option would be best for the Inquisitions troops and had completely lost track of time. Quickly composing himself, he set his work aside and called for whoever it was to enter.

He wasn’t expecting it to be Dorian and despite himself he smiled at the sight of the man. Much to his surprise, Dorian gave him a small smile in return, before looking away and wringing his hands together. He was clearly nervous and stood shuffling in the doorway. The silence that fell between them was uncomfortable to say the least and it wasn’t long before Cullen couldn’t take it anymore and decided to break it.

“I’m so sorry,” The words tumbled out of the blonds mouth and Dorian jumped, staring at him in what looked like a mixture of surprise and confusion. “I’ve been wanting to apologize for my behavior for some time now. It was selfish and stupid of me to assume, to hope that you, well… What I did was selfish and I promise to never do anything like that again. I understand if I’ve ruined things between us, but I do hope that we can at least continue to wor-”

Cullen had lost himself in his rambling, eyes down cast as he spoke, and when he finally started to reach the end of what he wanted to say, Dorian silenced him. The mage had strode forward quickly, stepping around his desk, and kissed him. Frozen with shock, he didn’t have time to respond at all before the kiss ended and he found Dorian smiling at him.

“While you are absolutely adorable when you get flustered, Cullen, there are a few things I would like to say before you start back in on the whole self-loathing thing. First of all, the only one who should be apologizing here is me. When you kissed me, I, I panicked, I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t thought that you would be interested in someone like me, which is saying something because I’m very interesting. Now, I’m not saying that this is, we’re going to…” Dorian groaned and dropped his head onto Cullen’s shoulder. “Fasta vass! I’ve never done this before and I’m making a fantastic mess of this.”

Cullen chuckled and slowly wrapped his arms around Dorian. “Well, yes. But I still think you are doing a better job than me, I haven’t run away without a word yet.”

“Well you certainly aren’t helping,” The mage mumbled, making Cullen laugh harder. Dorian pulled back just enough to be able to look at him, fighting back a smile of his own as he leveled the blond with a disapproving look.

It had been a while since Cullen laughed this hard; the last time had admittedly been with Dorian as well. By the Maker, he was a sappy fool. He tightened his arms around the other man and leaned in to kiss him again.

Dorian’s mouth was sweet, reminding him of spiced wine and he quickly decided that it was a taste he could get addicted to. The kiss started out slow and cautious, but as it continued and they each grew bolder it became more heated. Cullen nipped playfully at the others lips as his hands slid down his body until they were cupping the mages ass, using it to pull him closer.

A gasp escaped Dorian, but he wasn’t about to be outdone. He took full charge of the kiss, nipping back as well; moving quickly and forcing Cullen to do his best to keep up. It was maddening, he felt almost drunk. A low groan was ripped out of him when Dorians slender fingers worked their way into his carefully styled blond curls and tugged.

Smiling against his lips, Dorian pulled again and ground their hips together at the same time. This time it was a growl that left the Commanders lips and he dug his fingers into the soft flesh of Dorians ass, sharp nails pressing into the leather of his breaches. He bit at Dorians lips then his exposed neck, slowly traveling down to his collar, teeth getting sharp with each bite and making the mage gasp and writhe in his hold.

“Ah, kafas!” Dorian moaned clinging to him desperately, as he pressed into his touch. “You’re surpri-ah, Culle- ow, sto-stop, you’re, ah, you’re teeth!”

At the sudden protests, Cullen pulled back, running his tongue along his teeth as he did and finding that they were far too sharp to be considered human. Realizing what had been happening, what this had been doing to him, he completely released Dorian and took a couple of steps back. His eyes were locked on the marks that marred the mages tan neck as he spoke. “I, I’m sorry. It seems I can’t, we can’t… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have, I could have hurt you.”

Dorian sighed and ran a hand along is throat. “Oh do shut up. I’m not that fragile and I had a feeling this might be the case. If anything, it’s motivation to get you fixed even faster,” He said with a wink, making Cullen’s face go red. “Besides, I have something else in mind for today, if you’re free that is.”

“Of course,” Cullen replied, probably a little too quickly he realized when Dorian laughed softly.

“Alright well, you get yourself calmed down, and I’ll go take care of these beautiful little bruises, and I’ll meet you in the garden. I believe you owe me a game of chess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a few days late, its been a very busy week.


	12. Chapter 12

“Dorian!”

The mage totally didn’t shriek at the sudden exclamation of his name. He’d been dozing peacefully with a book in his lap in his usual spot in the library until that point. But now he was sitting up straight with wide eyes with his book on the floor. The first thought that went through his head was that Skyhold was under attack and he expected to see signs of that. Instead, all he found was a giggling elf watching him with her mischievous red eyes. Dorian sighed and leaned down to pick up the book. “Yes, yes, you’re so funny,”

“I’m sorry, Darling, you just looked so peaceful, I couldn’t help myself,” The Inquisitor replied softly, not sounding the slightest bit apologetic. “But there are a couple things I would like to talk to you about. And as you’re not busy I think I’d like you to take a walk with me,”

Dorian rolled his eyes as he stood, giving an exaggerated shrug. “Oh, very well. I’m guessing I don’t have a choice in the matter.

The petite elf gave him a sweet smile. “Not at all!”

They walked in silence as they made their way up the balcony in her quarters. Dorian had a bad feeling about this, but he figured he would wait until she was ready to speak, plus it gave him time to think. The Inquisitor had changed a lot since he’d first met her; back then she’d been quiet and timid with the occasional sarcastic streak. Now she was brash and charming, a force to be reckoned with. They’d all changed, he realized. The stoic ex-Templar Commander was an adorably awkward softie who turned into a giant beast at night and he, well he was falling for him.

That lost thought took Dorian by surprise and he went still as he tried to come to terms with this newest revelation. The Inquisitor seemed to notice because she reached out and gently brushed her hand against his arm. “Dorian?

He jumped again. “Yes? What? Sorry, I got lost in thought for a moment.”

She nodded slowly, then turned to look out at Skyhold. “I suppose I should tell you why it is I wanted to talk to you… I want to talk about Cullen, and well, I sure you know what I mean.”

“He told you about the whole lion thing finally?”

“Yep.”

Dorian sighed. “And you want to talk to me about it because?”

“You’ve known the longest,” She explained softly, looking up at him. “He told me about it, but he was a rather vague, which is a little annoying since he just now decided to tell me, but at least he told me. I talked to Bull about it after and to be honest I do have my concerns. Not that I don’t trust Cullen, I do, I’m honestly more worried about what could happen to him than anything else. So I want to know what you think; you are the closest to him.”

Dorian never thought of it that way before and the realization was a little shocking. “I suppose I am… Well, if you want to know if he is a threat, he’s not. Even in his… other form Cullen’s a softie, just a bit more literally. The biggest risk would come from an adrenaline caused shift. This is brought on by stress and hormones so understandably after this kind of shift; he is understandably disoriented, functioning solely on his instincts. But I’m sure you can see how unlikely it is that one of these shifts will happen, it takes a lot to ruffle our dear Commanders feathers.”

Lavellan smiled and nodded. “That explains the incident with Bull, getting hit by him is a great way to get ones adrenaline pumping.”

Dorian shuddered. “Darling, there are many things I do and do not want to know about you, that is in the ‘do not’ category. So, is this all you wanted? To scar me mentally?”

“No. There is something else” Her smile fell and she walked over to her desk, retrieving a letter. The elven woman handed it to him as she spoke. “I’m fairly certain you weren’t supposed to see this, but there’s no way I couldn’t show it to you. I don’t even know you’re father, Dorian, and I already disliked him.”

The mages hands shook as he read over the letter. He could see why the Inquisitor wouldn’t like it, the suggestion to take him to Redcliff without telling him what was going on went against the type of person she was. Frankly, Dorian was offended by the notion of it as well, but it wasn’t that surprising considering it was his father.

He would have to face his past now, whether he liked or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for apologies. Firstly, I'm sorry this is so late. I've been having a lot of troubles with my laptop and it makes writing difficult. This is also why this chapter is relatively short, so sorry again. For the same reason, I also haven't really edited this chapter as much as normal, so if it sucks, that's why. Hopefully, I will be able to get the next chapter out on time and decently done.


	13. Chapter 13

Cullen would be lying if he said he wasn't worried. Dorian and the Inquisitor had been gone for quite a while doing who knows what and with each passing day his nerves became more and more frayed. The Iron Bull didn't seem to be completely unbothered either. Since they'd left, the amount of time he spent in Cullen's office had continually increased. He wasn't sure if was because he was keeping an eye on Cullen or if he was worried as well, which would make sense considering that all they were told about the two's trek to Redcliff was that there was something important they needed to see to. Nothing more, which could honestly be anything considering the current state of the world.

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Dorian or Lavellan, because he most certainly did. He’d just gotten used to knowing about pretty much everything that went on in the Inquisition. Cullen suddenly understood why Leliana would get so antsy when she didn’t know something, it was disconcerting to say the least, and it most certainly didn’t help with productivity. He was ashamed to say that he had been nearly useless since the two left. Reading a simple report took twice as long now as his mind constantly wandered, forcing Cullen to go back and reread passaged over and over again.

And of course the Iron Bull wasn’t helping. Being a man of action, like Cullen wished he could still be, he always wanted to do something. The Qunari seemed to have never ending plans for what the two of them could do and never stopped trying to get the Commander out of his little tower. The Iron Bull always wanted to spar or play chess, or do anything. He even went so far as to invite Cullen to go drinking with him and the Chargers. Cullen, of course, turned him down as he was certain that going out and drinking with others was a luxury he still could not afford. To make up for that, Cullen did occasionally give into the Bull's other suggestion and indulged in a game of chess with him or a decent round of sparring. 

It was nice not to worry about hurting someone and it allowed him to feel like the soldier he used to be. And while Bull’s distractions were mostly successful, they were only temporary. In the end, Cullen always found his mind wandering to thoughts of Dorian and where he and the Inquisitor may be. He knew the two of them were perfectly capable of defending themselves, but they were also very good at attracting trouble. That was what made him worry, that and the secrecy surrounding whatever it was that they were doing.

Cullen groaned and let his head drop into his hands as his office door closed behind the retreating Qunari. He had a stack of work waiting for him, but the Iron bull had still tried to get him to go drinking, believing that Cullen was running himself ragged. He wasn’t wrong, but still, they’d wasted so much time arguing over it that the sun was beginning to set. This means Cullen would have to leave in a matter of minutes if he wanted to make it out of Skyhold in time. So he had a feeling that the other man had still accomplished his overall goal.

Rising from his chair, Cullen stretched his sore muscles. He’d been working himself to the bone lately, scouting the area each night for signs of  Dorian and the Inquisitor. He knew he would be doing the same tonight. He couldn't help it, he was growing more and more restless with each passing day. Not wanting to risk the chance of not making it out on time, Cullen left his office and the thoughts of his work behind.

As he walked along the battlements, looking out towards the mountains, movement near the gate caught his eye. His heart caught in his throat at the sight and his pace quickened, He prayed to the maker that it would be them. When he  heard a high pitched bray, Cullen found himself practically running along the walls of Skyhold.

He knew that call.

The Inquisitor rode into the courtyard on her giant horned hart, looking just like the heavenly herald she claimed she wasn’t. She never failed to make a grand entrance. But right behind her was the one person truly wanted to see. Dorian’s entrance admittedly fell short after Lavellan’s, but Cullen didn’t care. He was just happy to see the other man; even if Dorian did look exhausted and a little worse for wear. They must have been riding for a while. Cullen watched the two of them head towards the stables as he made his way down from the battlements after them.

Cullen nodded to Blackwall as rushed right past the Warden and into the stables, not pausing even when the other man wished him a good night. He had limited time and refused to waste any of it. When he finally made it into the stables, Cullen had to skid to a halt so he didn’t topple into the tiny, elven Inquisitor. However, just as he began to regain his balance and composure, Dorian all but fell into Cullen’s arms. The blond cursed under his breath as he was forced to right himself once more, pulling Dorian flush against him as he did.

He could hear the Inquisitor laughing as she lead hers and Dorian’s mounts into their stalls. “Well, I’ll just leave you two lovebirds. Though I recommend moving this oh so touching and potentially touchy reunion elsewhere. Blackwall can be rather protective of this little workshop.”

With that she departed, most likely on her way to find the Iron Bull for her own little reunion. Once she was gone, cold hands pressed to Cullen’s face and pulled down, bringing his lips to Dorian’s. Cullen melted into the kiss, running his tongue along Dorian’s chapped lips in a polite request for more.

Dorian gave a soft sigh as he pulled away and looked deep into Cullen’s amber eyes. “I love you.”

The confession was soft and almost reverent, a tone he wasn’t used to Dorian using, and it completely took Cullen by surprise. He was honestly surprised he managed to stammer out a response through his shock. “I, I love you too, Dorian.”

The wide grin that made its way to Dorian’s face was like a ray of sunshine: bright and beautiful. “Well, I should certainly hope so or this be horribly awkward and I would have to kill you for the sake of my pride,” Dorian’s voice was soft and playful, but it was clear that he was relieved to hear Cullen’s response. That thought brought a smile to Cullen’s face. “Speaking of awkward though, I must look awful and smell even worse. Our dear Inquisitor wanted to keep our excursion as short as possible and while that was a sentiment I shared, that doesn’t mean I am content to be seen in such a state.”

A laugh escaped Cullen and he brought one of his hands up to cup Dorian’s stubble covered cheek. “I really don’t mind.”

Dorian rolled his eyes and stepped away. “You may not, but I do. I have so much more I want to tell you, but really all I can think about right now is how disgusting I feel. So I’ll meet you in your office in about hour so we can continue talking.”

Cullen’s strict schedule must have slipped Dorian’s mind in his exhausted state. While Cullen would rather discuss things while he was capable of discussing,but he didn’t care enough to bother correcting Dorian. He was honestly just happy that the mage had made it back safely. “Alright, I will see you then.”

At his agreement, Dorian pressed another small kiss to Cullen’s lips before dashing off towards his quarters. Cullen watched him go before looking up at the darkening sky and sigh. If he moved quick enough he would make it to his office in time for the change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys....  
> Those of you that are still here that is. Has it been a whole year already? Crazy, right? Well, I'm not sure how, but I did it. I finally finished writing this chapter. So I hope you enjoy it and I promise that the rest will be out soon.


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